because the internet: Based On A True Album
by I AM NOT TIM
Summary: 3 chapter story that can be read by music or read alone. It's an optional album-fic. Way more fun to read with the music. Andre is rich. He has friends, he kinda has a girlfriend, or maybe two of them, and they're sisters. But he's unhappy. What could a man who has everything possibly want? 1st chapter is a prelude. The 2nd is the story. 3rd is a Cabbie epilogue. WARNING: Tandre.
1. Clapping For The Wrong Reasons

**What My Album Fic Is: A normal fanfic with designated points in the story telling you when to play each song as you continue reading.**

**This is the prelude to this story. This is my first album-fic. There are 3 chapters to this story.**

1. This prelude to the actual story. This prelude is based on Donald Glover/Childish Gambino's short film "Clapping For The Wrong Reasons". **_THIS HAS NO ACCOMPANYING MUSIC TO THE STORY_**

2. The actual story based on Donald Glover/Childish Gambino's screenplay "because the internet" which accompanies his album also titled "because the internet". **_YOU CAN READ THE STORY WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE SONGS AT THE DESIGNATED TIMES BUT THE SONGS ENHANCE THE READING EXPERIENCE _**

3. An epilogue that focuses on Robbie and Cat, based on Kanye West's album Yeezus. **_YOU CAN READ THE STORY WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE SONGS AT THE DESIGNATED TIMES BUT THE SONGS ENHANCE THE READING EXPERIENCE _**

**EARLY MORNING**

Andre is asleep in a king sized bed, he is awoken by a knock on his window, he looks out and sees an unknown girl and hears a phone ringing.

"Phone." The girl says walking away as Andre looks in confusion. Andre gets up, puts on a shirt, and walks over to the phone.

"Hello?" Andre says.

"Hello, who's this?" a woman over the phone asks.

"You called me."

"This is the Callifax Collection Company. Who am I speaking with?" The woman responds.

"I know who you're looking for; he's not here."

"Do you know where he can be reached?"

"Um...What month is it?" Andre asks casually.

"Uh, it is June I believe."

"Then he's probably in the Northern Hemisphere somewhere." Andre said, hanging up the phone.

Andre walks into a giant kitchen with two huge refrigerators he opens the one on the right, grabbing a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a half gallon of milk, he closes it and opens the one on the left, which is full of about 50 bottles of San Pelligrino. He grabs a bottle and closes the fridge. He walks through the kitchen, past Trina, who is sitting on the counter eating cereal with Sinjin and Burf.

"Andre was just yelling 'Calm down man, this is Connect Four, not chess!'" Trina said. A baby turtle jumps out of Sinjin's shirt pocket. Trina and Burf stop talking and just stare at Sinjin.

**MORNING**

Andre walks out to the pool to see Beck sitting on the outdoor couch, he sits next to him.

"Your girl woke me up." Andre said.

"My girl? I don't have a girl here, it might be Nico's." Beck responded, not looking up from his laptop.

"Anybody coming in today?"

"I heard Austin Moon might come in and work on that song." Beck said, still not looking up.

"Is he even in town this week?" Andre asked. Just then, Beck and Andre heard the sound of an airplane flying above.

"I love airplanes." Andre said, watching it fly away in the distance.

"My dad had me on an airplane." Beck said casually, still refusing to look away from his laptop.

"He had you on an airplane?"

"It's like that weird Bill Cosby episode where..."

"With the muppets?" Andre interrupted.

"He gave birth to sandwiches." Beck responded.

"Sandwiches and an orange soda, yeah."

"Yeah, except it was my dad giving birth to me and it was on an airplane. It was weird."

"That's like that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger." Andre said, taking a swig of San Pelligrino.

"Oh yeah, the one with Danny Devito, Twins? That was classic."

"No, it's the one where he's pregnant...fuck, what's it called?...uh..."

"Kindergarten Cop?" Beck asks. Andre chuckles.

"Junior." He says.

"Yeah Junior, that was really good."

**LATE MORNING**

Andre and Jade are sitting in the music studio room, each with their own laptops, working on beats for Andre's upcoming album. Andre hums while playing with his San Pelligrino cap.

"You think we're gonna use that, uh, that other song you did?" Jade asks.

"Which one?" Andre responds.

"The one with the slow 80's sound"

"I don't know, play it."

"I don't have it." Jade says.

"Wait." Andre says looking through files on his laptop.

Andre begins playing the beat, they both begin smiling and nodding their heads to it.

"I like that. We could do something that's like, badadada badadada badadada badadada , cause no one raps over stuff like that...at least I don't think so." Andre says. Just then they hear a knock on the window outside. It's the same girl who woke Andre up.

"Your brother wants you." The girl said walking away. Andre turns to Jade questioningly who just shrugs her shoulders.

Andre dribbles a basketball up a huge staircase and throws the ball downstairs when he gets to the top. His brother Nico is playing video games with his friends Grady and Chad.

"Your room is disgusting." Andre says, stepping over clothes, pizza boxes and empty condom boxes.

"It's not...that bad." Chad says.

"That's debatable. But yo, Chad swears Cat has a crush on him." Nico said.

Grady laughs, not looking away from the game.

"What's so funny?" Chad asks.

"Dude, you look like a gay porn star." Grady says. Andre and Nico laugh.

"How do you know what a gay porn star looks like?" Nico asked. After a couple of moments of silence, Chad starts cracking up.

"Man, you sent your girl down there to get me for this?" Andre said to Nico.

"I didn't send a girl." Nico responded, confused.

"Chad?"

"Not me, I'm looking for new girls. You got girls downstairs Grady?" Chad asked, mockingly.

"No, I don't invite your mom over because it'd be awkward around you." Grady said. Nico laughs, Chad throws a pizza crust at Grady and Andre walks out.

"YO! IF THAT GIRL'S CUTE, TELL HER TO COME UPSTAIRS THOUGH!" Nico yells to Andre.

**EARLY AFTERNOON**

Andre's grandmother is in the backyard, working with her meditator that helps her remain calm, they are doing yoga exercises. Back at the pool, Andre is leaning over the side to talk to Tori who is swimming.

"What did you think of track eight?" Andre asks.

"Sweatpants? I don't know. It was okay. I don't know about the second one though. It wasn't scary enough." Tori says, teasingly.

"What do you mean scary? It wasn't scary enough?"

"You're not scary."

"I'm pretty scary, I can be scary when I wanna be."

"Try."

Andre pushes Tori's head under the water and holds it.

"Totally scary." Andre says as he lets her head go. Tori comes back up and spits water on him.

"You totally missed." Andre lied. Tori splashes water on him.

"Okay." Andre said, walking away. He runs back up and jumps on Tori in the water, Tori screams and laughs.

"MY PHONE'S IN MY POCKET!" Andre screamed as he realized the fact.

**AFTERNOON**

Andre is demoing a song to singer Austin Moon, Austin's label exec Jimmy Starr, and a rapper named Franklin Bash in the listening room. They are listening along.

_All the girlfriends saying "here we go again"_  
_Rich kid but he act like a gentleman_  
_Last one didn't end like it should've been_  
_Two dates and he still wanna get it in_  
_And they're saying it's because of the Internet_  
_Try her once and it's on to the next chick_  
_X-O the O face on your exes...right?_  
_And we can do the same thing if you wanna have at it_  
_When your thoughts can't breathe and you thinking asthmatic_  
_And you wanna be a mom and I wasn't mad at her_  
_I was thinking 'bout me, I'd be really bad at it_  
_Cause I'm thinking 'bout me, weeks in Dubai_  
_Fourth of July, house in Kauai, yeah we can try_  
_So let's..._

The song stopped and the lights went out

"Oh shit." Andre says.

"That was really good." Jimmy says.

"The power went out."

"Because it was too turnt up." Franklin said, not even smiling.

**AFTERNOON**

Franklin and Robbie are playing a quiet game of Connect Four in a random room.

"This decision is pivotal." Franklin said. Franklin places a piece, then Robbie places a piece, then Franklin places another piece.

"Thanks." Robbie says.

"God dammit, did I just do it? I just did it."

Franklin watches Robbie place his winning piece.

"GOD DAMNIT!" Franklin screams, storming out, Robbie laughs.

**AFTERNOON**

Andre and Robbie are having a push up contest in the backyard. Nico, Trina, and Beck are watching.

"All those muscles are just for show Dre, they don't do anything." Robbie said.

"This is my mansion Robbie, you're homeless. I could do this all day, I feel great." Andre said.

Robbie slowly starts lessening how far he goes down to the ground.

"Go all the way down when someone makes you do push ups." Andre teased. Robbie falls over, exhausted. Beck, Nico, and Trina cheer and Andre screams at Robbie in victory.

**LATE AFTERNOON**

Andre is DJ-ing the song "Fruitsnacks" by Kyle in the music studio room. Burf is dancing behind him. The girl who woke up Andre walks by and Burf waves to her. Andre stops DJ-ing and turns to Burf, who is still dancing without music.

"Do you know her?" Andre asks.

"No." Burf responded.

"Then why'd you wave?"

"I'm a gentleman." Burf says. After a few moments of silence, Andre begins DJ-ing again.

**EARLY EVENING**

Andre is sitting against a tree holding the lemons that Cat picks and hands to him.

"I've had the most strangely reoccurring dreams over the last week. And uh, it's like of my wedding, but nothing is going right. Everything's a disaster. My guests are all there, it's all of my real life friends. They all look gorgeous. They're all like fully done up in their gowns that they're probably going to wear to the wedding, my family is there. But suddenly I realize I should've been married by now, and I'm not married, I'm not in my wedding dress. I'm all alone, in this giant area where I see my guests being served their cocktail appetizers off of paper plates. Everyone seems to be having a great time, but they're eating off of paper plates. But I am wearing cargo pants. Army cargo pants." Cat rambles as she keeps picking lemons.

"Like Old Navy?" Andre asks, barely getting a word in edge wise.

"Yeah, exactly. Like Old Navy cargo pants. I don't own Old Navy cargo pants. I'm not even sure where that came from in my head, but I'm wearing that with a T-shirt and I'm supposed to be getting married. My hair's not done, my makeup's not done. And my mom comes in and asks me, 'Why aren't you getting ready for your wedding?' And I'm like 'Oh, I will be, I will be' but suddenly I'm smoking a cigarette, I even don't know why I'm smoking a cigarette, but in my mind I also feel that I'm three or four weeks pregnant. Horrible, right? So I tell my mom, 'Mom, you don't know this, but I'm three or four weeks pregnant' and she says not 'Put down the cigarette', she says, 'Maybe you should get into your wedding dress'. It's all very, very weird. I'm not sure what it means at all."

"I think we have too many lemons." Andre says, looking down at the 38 lemons in his towel.

"One more?" Cat asks grabbing another one.

"Yeah."

"And these two."

"Yeah, grab a couple more...that'll be enough."

"We can make guacamole!" Cat exclaims.

**EVENING**

Tori is playing "Tell Me That You Love Me" on the piano in the piano room while Jade and Franklin play Connect Four. Andre walks in. Tori looks over at Andre and keeps playing, Andre walks over to Jade and whispers "I think i'd be best to just let him win.", then he walks to the kitchen to help Cat.

**NIGHT**

Andre is sitting in the movie room with Jade.

"Okay, let me hear the serious verse." Jade said.

"Investing time on writing lies, slightly truth without a clue. I met my higher self, pissing off the roofs of drunken goofs. He said 'keep the mic smelly like a rotten tooth'. And all your fears forgotten when Dre is in the booth. I'm an angel in an agony of flame. Feathers growing at the mention of my name, reinvention of my shame. I'm a slave to the darkness of my innermost cave. And all these words I hold tighter than a glow stick at a rave. Dance around the camp fire, buttnaked, blowing trees. Could give a single fuck if somebody sees, I'm free. Red "V" bleed out a scarlet letter, kill a king. And I'll sitting ready for whatever weather the seasons sing. Picking up expensive habits, chasing after little rabbits. Hope they lead me to a place of magic. Sad at all the times I never thought I had it. Losing all these memories, and y'all doubt it matters...patterns." Andre rapped. Jade sat and nodded, showing no emotion.

"Now let me hear the laid back verse." Jade said.

"Mouth to a Pelligrino, bottle color of envy, who the fuck is Andre Harris, I hand a waitress a Benji to act like she never met me. I'm saying though, they want the game changed when your shit on the radio. Fruit was so hanging low, I didn't even bother, she tryna land Obama's, man she get it from her mama. I don't blame her, I tame her, give her something to visualize. On my couch watching DVR'd "American Dad". Man those new Celine bags are so to die for. I'm in that Porsche on Prozac, them suicide doors. Watch her walk as the death becomes her, cause Mrs. Tarantino kill bills, no wonder. My heaven is the present, so maybe this is it. Pray to God every night to make me believe he exists. Drink a fifth of vodka, I don't need no sponsor, heard a preacher holler, make him hold these souls...and that's when the singing part comes in." Andre said.

"Yeah, that's cool, I like them both...you know, you got a little..." Jade says pointing to Andre's nose. Andre touches it to find blood dripping.

"Oh shit."

"Yeah." Jade says as Andre runs off to the bathroom.

Andre examines his nose in the mirror, surprised by the bleeding. He looks for the source of all the blood, and notices and obstruction in his nasal passage- it's a string. Nauseated and scared, he pulls the long, blood soaked string while gagging and coughing. Finally, he dislodges the string and what is attached at the end? A golden tooth. He places it next to the sink and washes his hands, as the sound of the running water transitions into a similar sound of the shower water as Andre now sits in the shower. He is still, and seems frightened.

**NEAR MIDNIGHT**

Beck and Andre sit at the outdoor couch.

"So, what's up with you and Tori?" Beck asks.

"Nothing." Andre responded quickly.

"...is there any guacamole left?"

"Grady ate it all. Me and Cat will make more tomorrow though."

"How's the album coming along?"

"Slowly."

"Like you and Tori's little thing?" Beck teased.

"Yeah." Andre responded, not looking at him. They sat in silence.

"You know, Tori and I had sex last night." Beck said casually.

"WHAT?!" Andre screamed turning around as Beck laughed.

"I'm lying, I just wanted to prove that you like her."

"Oh." Andre said relaxing.

"We did kiss two weeks ago though."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Beck said, awkwardly putting his feet up on the table.

"Okay good."

"Good?"

"Yeah, now I don't feel bad about sleeping with Trina." Andre said.

"Dude...what the fuck?" Beck asked, laughing.

"Come again?"

"Trina? That's disgusting."

"I was drunk." Andre lied.

"But you weren't drunk enough to forget it. That's must keep you up at night."

"Trina's a beautiful young woman." Andre said.

"I...I can't really judge you because while you were on tour in 2011, when we were in Russia, I was with this groupie that looked kinda like Sylvester Stallone."

"I remember her, she threw her bra at me on stage, that was the first time I ever threw a bra back into the audience." Andre said as he and Beck laughed hysterically.

"You were kidding about Trina, right?" Beck asked.

"Nope. She was wearing Iron Man underwear too." Andre said, as Beck made a mocking gagging noise.

"I'm gonna go inside." Andre said getting up.

"Alright man, I'm gonna stay out here. Look at the stars. You know, my dad gave birth to my little brother on a star." Beck said as Andre laughed and walked away.

Andre walks down the hallway as the girl who woke him up walks by him in the opposite direction, drinking a bottle of San Pelligrino. Andre turns around quizzically.

"Who are you?" Andre asks. The girl doesn't respond, or even look at him, and keeps walking. Andre continues walking to his room. Andre falls asleep, the phone rings and he opens his eyes. He picks up the phone.

"Hello who is this?" the same woman from earlier asks. Andre immediately hangs up, takes off his shirt, and falls back asleep.

**Andre wakes up, realizing the entire past 24 hours was a dream. He relaxes in his bedroom. He's not famous. He doesn't make music anymore. This mansion isn't his. There is no random girl running around. Just him, his brother, and their friends.**

**THE END...ALL WILL MAKES SENSE AT THE END OF because the internet.**


	2. because the internet

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS FIC TAKES ABOUT AN HOUR TO READ/LISTEN TO. IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN HOUR TO SIT DOWN AND DO NOTHING BUT READ, LISTEN, AND VISUALIZE, DON'T READ THIS FIC UNTIL YOU DO.**_

_**PLAY "THE LIBRARY (INTRO)" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

A little boy gets off a bus, wearing an orange camp T-Shirt, other kids get off the bus laughing, the boy's face is stone...emotionless.

"Andre likes Zoey! Andre likes Zoey!" One girl sang getting off the bus.

The boy gets into the back of a limousine, passing the chauffeur who greets him. He sees his father, famous record producer Jerome Harris sitting in the back seat.

"How was camp Andre?" Jerome asks.

The boy shrugs.

"Did you make any new friends?"

_*he has a flashback of him and Zoey hanging out at Camp having fun*_

_*he has a flashback of telling Zoey he likes her*_

_*he has a flash back of Zoey telling her friends and everyone laughing at him*_

"No." The boy responds.

Jerome sighs.

"Your mother has a surprise at home for you."

"Frito pie."

"She didn't say what it w.."

"It's Frito pie." The boy said, interrupting.

When the limo finally stops, The Boy jumps out and walks toward the front of his home. It's a very big mansion, and not gaudy. It looks classic. The boy grabs a frosted strawberry pop tart and walks into his room as the house phone rings. Jerome answers the phone.

"Hello?" Jerome asked.

"Hello, this is the Califax collection-"

Jerome hung up the phone. His cell phone rang as he walks up the spiral staircase and into a room where he sees his wife looking at an even younger boy sleeping in a car bed.

"How's Nico sleeping?" Jerome asked.

"Pretty good. I made Frito pie." Rochelle responded.

Andre is on the computer watching a video of some unknown white rapper named M&M online.

He takes a bite of his pop tart.

"That's a fucking stupid name." The boy says as he keeps watching.

**...BE...CAUSE...THE...INTER...NET...**

_**15 YEARS LATER**_

_****__**PLAY "CRAWL" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre sits at his computer watching the music video to "Rap God" by Eminem on Youtube. He comments on the video 'can't wait for the new album!', he takes a bite out of a frosted strawberry pop tart.

The room is a little different, there is a poster for the band "Gorillaz" on the wall, "The Marshall Mathers LP" by Eminem is hung up on the wall, it's signed by Eminem. There's a trophy case containing every one of Kanye West's albums besides "Yeezus", instead of "Yeezus", "Watch The Throne" by Jay-Z and Kanye West sits in it's place. There's a bunch of movie posters on the wall. Beverly Hills Cop, Rocky, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4, Rocky 5, Rocky Balboa, Alien vs Predator, Coming To America, National Security, Pride, Boyz In The Hood, Friday After Next, Roots, Juice, The Avengers, Superman 2, and Super High Me. Andre's room is oddly neat, the bed is made, hospital corners and all, the only blemish is a brown spider crawling on the ceiling. Nico walks into Andre's room.

"Dre, where's my keys?" Nico asks.

"God knows, why don't you look through that mountain of clothes in your room?" Andre responds.

"Drive me somewhere real quick."

"...where?"

"The beach."

Andre stands up and grabs a key ring with about 40 keys on it.

"Who's there?"

"Girls in bikinis...oh, and Beck and Robbie."

"I'm going too, we can invite people to come to your party tomorrow." Andre said, grabbing a surfboard.

They walked down the spiral stairs to see Jade passed out on the couch, there was half a bottle of vodka, a shot glass and an empty bottle of San Pelligrino next to her. They walk past the infinity pool and see Trina doing laps around the pool. They walk into the garage. Six cars are in the garage, one is Nico's, one is Andre's and the other 4 used to belong to their father. Nico owns a black Mercedes that looks like the car the bad guys drove in Beverly Hills Cop towards the end. Andre has the keys to every car except that one. Andre owns a Tesla Model S, their father's old cars are a Silver 911, some car no one's ever seen, a Tahoe and some car under a tarp. Looks like it could be an Aston Martin. Nico smiles and points at the car no one's ever seen before.

"No. The beamer." Andre said.

"Nah. The beamer gets old after a while." Nico says.

Andre and Nico got into the 911. Andre drove and Nico sat in the passenger seat.

"You mean to tell me you're 21 and you can't even keep a set of keys?" Andre asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You mean to tell me you're 23 and you're still scared to drive that car?" Nico responded.

"No...I'm 24."

"Let me drive." Nico says. Andre pulls over and switches seats with Nico. Nico takes a few weird turns.

"This isn't the way to the beach Nico."

"I know, I gotta pick someone up real quick."

Andre pulled out his phone and went on Twitter, he saw someone tweet "roscoe's wetsuit", he goes to Google and types it in, a Yahoo Answers question comes up for it. The question is "what is roscoe's wetsuit?" the only answer says "roscoe's wetsuit". Andre shakes his head.

The 911 pulls into a nice condo complex. Nico honks the horn for a while like a jerk.

"I WORK NIGHTS, DICKHEAD!" someone yells out of a window.

"I KNOW. FUCK ME, RIGHT?" Nico yells out of the car window. After a couple more obnoxious honks, a guy in a Hugo Boss shirt and True Religion jeans gets into the backseat.

'Expensive ass clothes' Andre thinks to himself.

"Who is this?" Andre asks.

"That's G-Funk, he's cool." Nico says.

"Sup yo." G-Funk said.

Andre ignored him. They pulled up to the beach to see no one but Beck and Robbie. They got out of the car.

"I thought somebody was bringing girls?" G-Funk said.

"Nobody wants to come out this early." Beck said.

"Did you ask white girls?" Nico asked, Andre chuckled.

"I asked every girl." Beck responded.

"Well, no girls? Guys night out." Robbie said.

"Not in that little car." Beck said.

_****__**PLAY "WORLDSTAR" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

8 hours later Robbie was driving the Tahoe with Andre in the passenger seat. Nico, Beck, and G-Funk rode in the back. They had just come back from McDonald's, Nico dropped his Bacon McDouble on the car floor.

"Shit." Nico said.

"You fucking up your homeboy's car Nico." G-Funk said.

"He's my brother, and it's not his car." Nico said, picking up his burger.

"Yes it is." Andre said in an emotionless voice.

"What club am I driving to?" Robbie asked.

"Don't worry about it, just make this left then take the next right." Nico said, Andre looked back at Beck who looked at him with a confused look. Then Andre turned to Nico.

"Where are we going?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Where. The Fuck. Are We Going?" Andre said, getting angry.

"Chill man, we going to Aftermath, it's on the main highway next to the Wendy's." G-Funk said.

"Aftermath? I heard some crazy stuff goes on out there." Beck said.

"Don't worry about it." Nico said feeling his pocket. G-Funk felt his pocket as well. Beck took a deep breath.

They got out of the car and saw a huge club with two lines, a long line with 40 something people and a short line with 12 people. G-Funk and Nico walked over to the short line, did some weird handshake with the bouncer that Andre wasn't cool enough in school to learn in school. Then Nico pointed out Andre, Beck and Robbie. The bouncer looked at Nico questioningly. Nico did some more explaining and the bouncer waved the three of them over.

"You know him?" Andre asked Nico, pointing at the bouncer.

"Long story." Nico said laughing. G-Funk laughed too. Andre shrugged his shoulders. Nico was in front of the line inviting some girls to the party, Beck stood next to him, followed by Robbie, then G-Funk, then Andre. A guy stands next to Andre in line, he looks around constantly as if he's expecting someone.

"So tell me about this place J-Fun." Andre said.

"It's G-Funk. But yeah, this club is nice, tough music, cute drunk bitches, wings, the booze price is high but I bet you ain't worried bout that." G-Funk said, smiling revealing his 3 gold teeth.

"Why do you say that?" Andre asked, feeling his own nose after seeing the gold teeth.

"Nico got a Benz, you got that 911. I heard ya'll throwing a mansion party tomorrow."

"Nico is, I don't throw parties."

"Is it gone be bitches there?"

"Yeah, Nico's gonna be there." Andre said, not even laughing.

"Chill man, aha." G-Funk said, laughing.

After a while a black SUV pulls up with all tinted windows. A window rolls down and a guy started yelling at the guy standing next to Andre.

"Don't let me catch you out here Jay! Don't let me catch you!" The man in the SUV yells. Andre looks down, someone spray painted Roscoe's Wetsuit on the sidewalk. He stared at it for about 20 seconds, ignoring everything else.

"I got yours, muthafucka!" The guy in the SUV yelled, Andre looked up from the sidewalk at the SUV. Robbie nudged Andre and Andre took his phone out and began recording the confrontation.

"You scared, bitch! That's why you scared!" the guy next to Andre yelled.

"I got something for yo hoe-ass my nigga!"

The man in the SUV shoots Jay. Andre watches Jay bleeding from his stomach. He doesn't realize he's watching this through his phone. He stands for a moment, recording. He then realizes 'run now'. Everyone else has already started running.

"DROP YOUR WEAPON!" A cop yells among the commotion. Louder, more clear gun shots are fired (obviously from police) and then silence. Jay is dying on the sidewalk. The man in the SUV is dead. Girls are crying and screaming. Andre is running around trying to find the Tahoe. The first thought that goes through his mind 'fuck, they left me.' Andre goes back to the sidewalk and looks at Jay's blood and sees the reflection of a parking sign. Jay looks up at Andre, he knows what's happening, he knows that Andre is the last person he'll ever see. He hears two people laughing. One guy says 'Damn' and the other guy screams 'WORLDSTAR!'

"SIR, YOU NEED TO STEP BACK!" A cop yelled at Andre, Andre slowly did as he heard an ambulance coming.

"DID YOU SEE WHAT STARTED ALL THIS!?" The cop asked. Andre shook his head no and walked away.

Andre walks to an alley and sees the Tahoe with everyone inside, Andre gets in the back with Nico and Beck. G-Funk is driving and Robbie's in the front.

"I knew something was gonna happen." Beck said.

"Yo Dre, did you get that on video?" Nico asked.

"Yeah."

Andre passed his phone to them, he didn't want to watch it again. He looks at his jacket and sees a bullet hole in it. 'I'm not supposed to be here' Andre thinks, playing with the hole to make sure he isn't imagining it.

"We gotta pick up Sinjin from that jazz club." Robbie said. G-Funk drove home and got out, he did that cool handshake with Nico and went into his house. Nico got in the driver's seat. Eventually they got to the jazz club and walked in. Nico talked to some girls, Robbie didn't look up from his phone, obviously texting Cat. Beck kept watching the video of the shooting on repeat, Andre just stared at the bullet hole in his jacket. Sinjin was on stage playing a saxophone solo.

"Tomorrow?" One of the two girls Nico was talking to asked as Nico gave them the address.

"We'll be there!" The other one said. The boys left and went to the mansion.

_****__**PLAY "DIAL UP" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING, LET SONG FINISH BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO THE NEXT ONE**_

Andre lied on his bed watching the brown spider crawl around. He slowly fell asleep and dreamed about the spider.

He saw the SUV.

He saw Jay.

He saw the spider sitting back, watching it all.

He finally woke up at about 10AM.

_****__**PLAY "THE WORST GUYS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre walks downstairs to see Beck.

"PARTY DAY, BRUH!" Beck said. Beck had spent the night in the living room. Everyone seemed to be there every other night, except one person.

"Where's Tori?" Andre asked.

"In my bed."

Andre glared at Beck, Beck laughed.

"I haven't seen Tori in like a week. Why don't you text her?" Beck said.

"You NEVER text a girl first." Andre said grabbing a San Pelligrino.

"Hey Andre." Trina said walking in.

"Uh, hey Trina." Andre said hugging her, Beck raised an eyebrow.

"So, you have a party tonight huh?"

"Well...Nico does."

"Alright, see you then." Trina said, winking and walking away.

"Dude, you and Trina have a thing?" Beck asked.

"Yeah."

"You and Tori have a thing."

"So?" Andre said, chugging half of the bottle.

"You don't think they talk to each other?"

"I'm not doing anything wrong. I haven't committed to either one of them and neither of them have committed to me."

"Whatever bro, if either of them asks me, I don't know shit." Beck said.

"Good." Andre said walking into the piano room. Jade was playing a familiar song on the piano.

"What's that?" Andre asked.

"You should know." Jade said smiling. Andre thought.

"365 Days?"

"Song 2 You." Jade said as she kept playing.

"Have you seen Tori?"

"No, she's at the Clippers game. I'm sure she's coming to the party."

Andre shrugged and walked into the kitchen. It was empty.

5 hours later the kitchen was full, there were 79 people in the house. Andre was in his bed, sitting up hearing loud music, Trina was on the other side of the bed, naked and passed out. Andre got dressed and went downstairs.

"ANDRE!" A drunken Caterina Valentine screamed, hugging him. Andre hugged her and walked past her without a word.

"MY NIGGA MY NIGGA!" G-Funk screamed, obviously drunk as Andre walked past. 'I just met you yesterday' Andre though. He saw Nico surrounded by 6 or 7 girls. One of them stood in front of Andre.

"Are you Andre?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"So like...you and Nico like...own this mansion?"

"Yeah."

"That's so cool! My names Kelsie, me and Nico are like, really clicking and like he was talking about like letting me like move in and I was like introduci..."

Andre walked past her in mid sentence, knowing that Nico used that lie to sleep with her. He saw Tori sitting next to Beck by the speakers.

"Hey babe." Andre said. Beck raised an eyebrow and Tori blushed.

"Hey Andre, I've been waiting for you for an hour, Beck told me that you were asleep upstairs because you had a headache."

"Uh, yeah, it was horrible. But I'm better now." Andre said, lying as Beck smiled. Andre thought 'Headache, good look Beck.'

"I don't really like parties, I just came to hang out with you. Can we just chill in your room?"

"Uh, hold on, I have to clean it."

"Your room is always clean."

"Uh...Nico fucked it up, I have to clean it, be right back." Andre said running off, Tori looked at Beck confused.

"Typical Nico." Beck said, shrugging his shoulders.

Andre ran upstairs to Nico's room to see Chad and some asian girl in Nico's bed making out.

"You guys gotta pick a different room to fuck in." Andre said. The girl frowned, they left. Andre went back to his room, picked up Trina's naked body as she squirmed in her sleep and put her in Nico's bed, tucking her in. He left a note telling her her clothes were under the bed. He grabbed Nico's key and locked Nico's door. He went to the bathroom and sprayed on cologne, he gargled some mouthwash, washed off his face, then went back downstairs.

_****__**PLAY "SHADOWS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

"Alright Tori let's go." Andre said. Tori followed him into his room, she sat on the bed.

"I don't like Kanye." Tori said.

"Get out." Andre said pointing to the door, Tori laughed as Andre sat on the bed with her.

"I didn't think you would throw a party."

"I didn't, Nico did. Where have you been?"

"Andre, I live in Oakland, I can't just randomly pop up in L.A. all the time. Gas prices still exist you know."

Andre laughed.

"Then why did you come tonight?"

"I was in town for the game so I just decided I might as well come...I just realized something Dre."

"What?"

"I've never really like met Nico, I mean I've seen him and he's seen me but I've never actually talked to Nico. Does he even know who I am?"

"He refers to you as 'cheekbones'." Andre said, Tori laughed.

"He doesn't even know my name?"

"No, why do you care?"

"Well, I'm here almost every week and he lives here and he doesn't even know my name. That's weird."

"He knows Cat's name, but that's only because she introduces herself to everyone."

"Does he know Jade or Trina?"

Andre flinched at the sound of Trina's name.

"He calls Jade 'mountains' and Trina 'hills'."

"Why?"

"Their breasts."

"Oh."

"You don't like Kanye?"

"I don't like rap." Tori said, looking around at Andre's room.

"How about the Gorillaz?"

"I just said I don't like rap."

"The Gorillaz aren't rap."

"I heard their song 'Clint Eastwood', it was a rap song."

"Like 20% of their songs are rap and 80% is alternative rock."

"Oh, so they're like Linkin Park except with alternative?"

"Not even close but you vaguely get the idea. You like Linkin Park?"

"No, I don't like rap."

"But they're a rock band, they barely have any rap in their new stuff."

"Whatever Andre, I can't talk music with you." Tori said laughing.

"Why?"

"Name your top 5 favorite music artists."

"In no order, Kanye, Eminem, Nas, Frank Ocean, and B.o.B, and I know you said only 5 but I have to throw Janelle Monae in there too."

"See, you like Hip-Hop and R&B. My favorites are Adele, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, and Beyonce."

"Beyonce is R&B, sweetheart."

"Well we have a kinda similar tastes in music I guess."

"What did you think of Yeezus?"

"I didn't listen, I don't like rap."

"Did you see the VMA's?"

"Yeah, I saw Kanye perform that song from Yeezus. I didn't like it at all."

"It's called Blood On The Leaves, it's beautiful."

"It didn't feel the same as the 808's And Heartbreak type sound. It was just painfully obnoxious auto tune."

"You listened to 808's And Heartbreak?"

"Yeah, I loved it."

"You said you didn't like rap."

"It wasn't rap, it was the all auto tuned singing album Kanye did. It was electropop. I liked 'Heartless' and 'Love Lockdown'."

"You're right. I loved 'RoboCop'...wait, you said you didn't like Kanye."

"Let me rephrase that. I've never listened to an entire rap album and the only Kanye songs I know are 'Gold Digger' and 'Stronger' and the songs from 808's And Heartbreak."

"You might like it if you listened to one."

"I'll listen some other time."

Tori and Andre sat in awkward silence, Andre suddenly kissed Tori and gently pushed her down on the bed. They kissed for a while. Andre tried to take off Tori's shirt but she swatted his hands away.

"We have to be officially dating before I let you do stuff like that." Tori said, smiling.

"A challenge, I like that." Andre said, walking to his computer.

"What's this?" Tori asked, seeing something sticking out from under the bed, she pulled out a pair of Iron Man underwear. 'Fuck' Andre thought. He had forgot to move them.

"These are Trina's." Tori said holding them.

"Nico was in my room, he and Trina must've..."

"You just told me that Nico doesn't even know Trina's name."

"I...they're...Beck had to..."

"Why are Trina's underwear under your bed? And where is Trina?" Tori asked, standing up.

"I don't know."

"Goodbye Andre."

"No wait, Tori, don't!" Andre said following her out of the door, Tori ran down the stairs and out of the house. Beck looked at Andre and mouthed 'what happened'. Andre ignored him and went upstairs, Trina walked out of Nico's room fully dressed, she was on her phone.

"Hey baby." Trina said, kissing Andre.

"Hey Trina."

"Where are you going?"

"My room."

"Your room? There's a fucking mansion party going on and you want to sit in your room? Come on and have some fun!" Trina said, pulling Andre downstairs.

Andre went to the kitchen to get some San Pelligrino.

"Why do you keep drinking that, is it like vodka or something?"

"It's mineral water."

"Lame!" Trina said, passing Andre a bottle of rum.

"YO NICO! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! WE GOTTA DRIVE THAT SHIT, NIGGA!" Andre heard from the garage.

G-Funk comes running into the kitchen.

"ANDRE! YO, YOU SOBER RIGHT!?"

"He's always sober, he doesn't know how to have fun." Trina said.

"WE GOTTA DRIVE THAT CRAZY RED CAR MAN!"

"Nico showed you the garage?"

"MAN, I SEENT THAT BEAMER, I SEENT THAT ASHTON MARTIN UNDER THAT TARP, YA'LL NIGGAS LIVING LIKE KINGS MAN, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN YA'LL ROLLED UP IN THAT 911."

"Maybe tomorrow we'll drive the beamer or something."

"MAN, ANYTHING BUT THAT GAY ASS TESLA."

"...Yeah." Andre said. Knowing that the Tesla was the only one of the cars he actually owned.

"Who is this?" Trina asked.

"Trina, this is G-Funk. G-Funk, this is Trina."

G-Funk walked off somewhere else. A few hours later everyone was gone except Beck and Andre in the kitchen, and Nico in the bed room with Kelsie...and some other girl...and a third girl...and a fourth girl. Andre and Beck were asleep on the floor. Andre woke up in the morning. Jade had returned and she was making breakfast, Robbie had arrived and was sitting on the couch playing the Xbox One with Beck. Cat was sitting next to them.

"Everybody get in the garage." Andre said.

"Why?" Robbie asked.

"Get in the garage." Andre said, walking up the stairs. He entered Nico's room.

"Wake up." Andre said, Nico sat up.

"Man, what is wrong with you, do you know what time it is?"

"It's 11:30 AM."

"What?" Nico said, looking out of the window.

"You were up with those whores until like 5 AM. Get in the garage."

Andre got in the Tahoe and everyone got in.

"Where are we going?" Jade asked.

"Oakland." Andre responded. He got out of the car to turn the oven off in the kitchen.

_****__**PLAY "TELEGRAPH AVE (OAKLAND BY LLOYD)" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre got back into the Tahoe and started driving. The radio DJ announced that Oakland by Lloyd was playing.

"How fitting." Jade said. The guys smiled.

"Why are we going to Oakland?" Cat asked.

"Tori lives in Oakland." Beck responded.

"Tori?" Nico asked.

"Cheekbones." Beck said.

"Oh, Cheekbones. That bitch is sexy."

Andre stopped the car.

"If you call Tori a bitch ever again I will fucking kill you." Andre said, everyone fell silent, staring at Andre. Nico rolled his eyes and started playing Candy Crush. Andre started driving again.

"So, you fucking her or what?" Nico asked. Andre glared at Nico.

"No."

"Then why are you driving to Oakland to see her?"

"Look Nico, just shut up." Andre said. Nico looked back down at his phone.

In the silence, Andre began singing along to the song, no one noticed because they all fell asleep. Andre saw a billboard on the highway that read 'ROSCOE'S WETSUIT'. Andre ignored it. He looked at the 'You Are Now Leaving Los Angeles' sign.

After about 6 hours, Andre saw the 'Welcome To Oakland' sign and in 10 more minutes Andre was outside of Tori's house, everyone in the car was asleep except Andre and Cat. Andre got out and knocked on the door. Tori's mother, Holly Vega, opened the door.

"Hello."

"Uh, hi. I'm Andre, a friend of Tori's."

"Oh, Andre. Tori talks about you all the time, come in. Tori's upstairs."

Andre walked up the stairs, it was a modest two bedroom house, he walked up to the bedroom with a closed door, he opened it to see Tori looking at the music note necklace he got her, she threw it under a pillow and stood up.

"What are you doing here!?" Tori gasped.

"I want to talk."

"Well I don't."

"Tori, let me explain."

"I'm not stupid, Andre."

"...have you said anything to Trina yet?"

"No, and I'm not going to. If she wants you she can have you, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Get out."

"Tori..."

"Get out of my bedroom."

"Tori I drove 6 hours to come and talk to you."

"I DROVE 6 HOURS TO FIND OUT THAT THE ONLY GUY I EVER TRULY LOVED HAS BEEN FUCKING MY SISTER!"

Andre stood silently in the doorway. Tori had never cursed before, until now. Tori's mom had stopped cooking and stood silent downstairs.

"Don't just stand there like an idiot, leave!" Tori yelled. Andre went down the stairs to see Holly sitting on the couch.

"Tell Trina I said hi." Holly said. Andre left and got back in the car, Nico was up at this point.

"Did you fuck her?" Nico asked. Andre drove silently.

"It seems like you need some cheering up, I know this cool bar here on the highway." Beck said.

In about 6 minutes they were at the bar and everyone walked in. The waiter walked over to their table. He looked like a pretentious douche bag who thought he was better than everyone else.

"You have to buy a bottle of the house liquor in order to be here." The waiter said.

"How much is it?" Andre asked.

"$2,000"

"Two thousand dollars?"

"If you can't afford it sir, you're going to have to try the bar down the street."

"$2,000? Nobody's paying that!" Nico exclaimed.

"We'll take 39 bottles sir." Andre said.

_****__**PLAY "SWEATPANTS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

The waiter glared at him.

"I don't take kindly to sarcasm." The waiter said.

Andre pulled $78,024 dollars in cash out of his backpack and put it on the table. He pulled a $10 bill from his pocket.

"We'll also get 3 orders of hot wings. The ten is for you buddy, get yourself a better haircut." Andre said putting the bill in the waiter's shirt pocket. The waiter stood in shock, everyone else sat staring at Andre except Nico who smiled at him.

The waiter left and returned with a huge tray with the 39 bottles on it. Everyone is looking around trying to figure out what famous person is here that could afford that tray. Everyone starts partying and having fun besides Andre.

Girls are going up to Andre thinking he's some famous rapper or something, he lies and says Nico paid for the bottles. They are all over Nico now.

Andre sees a guy writing "roscoe's wetsuit' on his table in permanent marker, Andre walks over to him.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know." The guy says, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yes you do." Andre says in a matter of fact tone.

"It's just something I saw on the internet."

Andre looked at him. Confused and annoyed. He paused.

**STOP READING UNTIL YOU HEAR THE LYRICS "EH EH EH EH ONOMATOPOEIA" IN THE SONG**

"So you just go around writing shit you see on the internet!?" Andre yelled, raising his voice. Nico walks over and pulls Andre away.

"It means I sat on your mom's face!" They guy yells over to Andre, Andre slams his fist on the table.

"MY MOTHER IS DEAD YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE."

The guy just sits in silence, shocked. Andre runs over and starts beating the guy up. Nico, Robbie and Beck start pulling Andre off, someone filming the fight screams "WORLDSTAR!" They all start to run back to the Tahoe.

3 hours later, they are in the car. Jade is driving. Nico, Beck, and Robbie are laughing looking at Robbie's phone.

"Andre, the fight's already on Worldstar."

Andre looks over at the phone and sees himself pummeling some random guy as people try to pull him off.

"What is Roscoe's Wetsuit?" Andre asked.

"I dunno, google it." Jade said. Andre broke the marker he was holding in half. Ink splattered everywhere.

_****__**PLAY "3005" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

The next morning, Andre and Trina were in the infinity pool.

"I heard Nico's throwing another party tomorrow." Trina said.

"I don't care." Andre said, trying to deadman float.

"You aren't going to help him set up?"

"No. I just want to relax and spend the day with you."

Trina smiled, blushing.

"We should go out somewhere."

"Follow me to the garage." Andre said getting out of the pool. He walked past Nico and Beck in the kitchen and into the garage with Trina. They looked at the cars.

"What's under the tarp?"

"I don't know, Aston maybe?"

"What's that car?"

"You mean the 911?"

"No, the red one. What is it?"

"Off limits." Andre said.

"Oh...I like the Mercedes too."

"Hold on." Andre said, he walked back in the kitchen.

"Are you gonna help?" Nico asked.

"Nope, but give me your keys."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'll play you for em'." Nico said.

Nico and Andre walked over to the basketball court in the backyard.

"You get 3 half court shots, you make one, take the car." Nico said throwing him a ball, Andre made the very first shot.

"Motherfucker." Nico said.

"Keys bitch, come on I'm in a hurry." Andre said, holding his hand out, Nico gave him the keys and he ran off.

He returned to the garage with the keys.

"The license plate says Nico." Trina said, getting in the car.

"Yeah, this is his one car, the rest are mine." Andre said, driving out of the garage.

"Where are we going?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Red Lobster. Sorry they don't have strawberry frosted pop tarts." Trina said smiling.

"You're really perceptive Trina." Andre said, keeping his eyes on the road.

"They don't have that mineral water either."

"Endless shrimp though."

"I heard you spent 80 G's on some liquor last night and you didn't drink any of it."

"It was more like 70 something G's."

"You didn't drink any of it?"

"I don't drink. I drink Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and San Pelligrino."

"You need to learn to live a little."

Andre drove silently, they pulled up at Red Lobster. As they got out of the car, some white guy wearing a backwards snap back, sagging jeans, a tank top and some Air Jordans walked over to them.

"Yo! That's that car from that movie!"

"Yeah." Andre said. He kept walking, Trina looked back at it.

"What movie is it from?"

"Beverly Hills Cop."

"I don't remember it."

"Cop from Detroit in Beverly Hills to find who killed his partner. Best comedy of the 80's, Eddie Murphy, Axel Foley the best badass cop character in movie history, it was a classic."

"Never heard of it."

"It was a fucking classic." Andre said, very seriously, not angry, but serious.

"Uh...okay." Trina said.

Soon, Trina and Andre were seated and eating. Andre groaned.

"Too much shrimp?" Trina asked. Andre nodded.

"Where do you wanna go next?" Andre asked, putting money in the checkbook and standing up.

"What time is it?"

"6."

"Too early to party, too late to go shopping. Hmm, wanna see a movie?"

"Mandela."

"Sounds depressing."

"I want to see Mandela."

"What about Grudge Match?"

"Is it Mandela?"

"...No."

"Then I don't want to see it."

"Pleeeease Andre?"

"No." Andre said, they walked out and got into the car.

"Pleeeeease?"

"No. We're seeing Mandela."

"Come on Andre, pleeeeease?"

Half an hour later they were sitting in a movie theater watching Grudge Match, they were both having a great time.

"See, I knew you'd like it!" Trina whispered.

"We're watching Mandela when this goes off." Andre whispered back.

They got back from the movies at midnight. They were at the front door.

"Trina...I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"I...I've been kinda talking to Tori as well. And she found out about us, and she's upset."

"Oh...Okay."

"Wait, you're not mad?"

"No, we haven't committed to each other. You didn't commit to her, did you?"

"No."

"Then I don't care, see you at the party Andre." Trina said kissing him, she left and Andre stood there, thinking.

_**LET "3005" FINISH PLAYING**_

_****__**PLAY "PLAYING AROUND BEFORE THE PARTY STARTS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

It's the next day, the party is in 2 hours. Jade is playing piano, Andre is watching her. Nico is making hot wings. Andre stares at his phone. He's sent Tori 73 unanswered texts, he never texts a girl first. He stares at his phone some more while Jade continues playing.

_**LET "**__****__**PLAYING AROUND BEFORE THE PARTY START**_" FINISH PLAYING, THEN CONTINUE READING WHEN THE SONG IS OVER

She abruptly stops when Beck enters the room. She kisses Beck and leaves, Andre doesn't even look up.

"So you and Jade are together again this week?" Andre asked. Beck chuckled.

"Party time Dre."

"Invite Tori."

"She wouldn't come if I did." Beck said. He stood up and left. Andre stands up and walks out into the kitchen.

"What's up Andre?" Nico asked.

"...Party time bruh." Andre said with a smile, Nico high-fived him.

_****__**PLAY "THE PARTY" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

The party is now in full swing, it's much bigger than the last one. About 160 people are there.

"Don't sit on that." Andre says to some people. He keeps walking. He sees G-Funk drinking a San Pelligrino. He reaches into the fridge to get one, they're all gone.

"The fuck?" Andre asks aloud. He grabs the box of pop tarts, it's empty, a guy in a polo walks past him eating one.

"Got the last one bro, You want half?" The guy asks. Andre walks past him to the infinity pool to see people eating and drinking in it. They are dropping stuff and getting the pool dirty.

"WHERE IS NICO!?" Andre yells angrily. It's a party, no one hears him. He walks back into the house to see a girl who from a far he could've sworn was Tori, when he gets to her he realizes it's a guy with long hair.

"Dude, you look just like Nico!" The guy says to Andre.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know but he throws some sick ass parties."

The guy is smoking weed sitting in the kitchen, Andre ignores it and walks past, he goes up the stairs into Nico's room. Nico is passed out and some girls are looking through his stuff. When he enters the drop everything and run out. Andre starts shaking Nico.

"NICO, NICO GET THE FUCK UP YOU DRUNK SON OF A BITCH!"

Nico started snoring. Andre slapped him, Nico kept snoring. He left the room and went into his own, there were 4 people in his room playing his PS3.

"Downstairs." Andre said, the 4 people turned the game off and left, he went downstairs.

"EVERYBODY GET OUT!" Andre screams. It's a party. No one hears him, Andre runs over to the speaker and pushes it over, breaking it. The loud music stops, everyone turns around and stops talking.

"EVERYBODY GET OUT!" Andre screams. People stare at Andre.

"Why?" one guy asks.

"EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Andre screams breaking a bottle. People start running away. Andre flips a table and just starts wrecking the house, he takes a sharp piece of glass and carves 'Roscoe's Wetsuit' onto the wall in his blind rage. Within 15 minutes, even the high and drunk people have left. Nobody is there except Andre, breaking everything and Nico passed out upstairs. He goes into his room and slams the door.

_****__**PLAY "NO EXIT" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre wakes up staring at the spider, it's crawling around by the computer. It seems at home, it knows it's safe, it knows it's way around, it's content. It knows it's welcomed because Andre has seen this thing crawl around his room for about 5 months now. He even noticed that it's getting bigger. Maybe it's pregnant. Maybe it's just slowly getting closer. Andre doesn't know or care, because the spider is one of the only things in life he can count on. The sun rising, death, Nico being an idiot, and the brown spider crawling around. No if ands or buts about either of them.

Andre heads downstairs to see Nico looking around at the living room. Beck is explaining what happened.

"Andre, what the fuck?" Nico asks.

"This is your fault, dad would never let you throw a party."

"Dad doesn't live here anymore."

"He worked his whole life for this fucking house."

"And you destroyed half of it!" Nico yelled.

"You invite everyone here like this place is yours. You're selfish."

"You said this was YOUR house. You said the cars were YOUR cars. YOU'RE the selfish one."

They stood in silence.

"And what the fuck is Roscoe's Wetsuit?" Nico asked, pointing at the wall.

"I don't know." Andre said walking to the garage.

He came back 20 minutes later with paint and cleaning supplies.

"Let's get to work." Andre said. Nico raised an eyebrow at him.

_****__**TURN THE SONG OFF BY THE TIME HE SAYS "LOOK AT THE RECLUSE" FOR THE 4TH TIME, OR IF YOU WANT, STOP READING AND KEEP LISTENING TO THE SONG UNTIL THE END**_

_****__**PLAY "DEATH BY NUMBERS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

10 hours later, the house was as good as new. Jade walks in.

"Wow, you guys did a great job!" Jade exclaimed. Andre looked at his phone, he had 2 missed calls from Tori, he immediately called her back.

"Hello?" Tori asked through the phone.

"Um hey, you called me?" Andre asked, confused.

"Yeah, I know I'm mad at you right now but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about your loss, are you okay?"

"My loss?"

"You haven't heard the news?"

"News?"

"Oh my god...I don't want to be the one to tell you this but...you know what, just turn to MTV."

Andre turned to MTV, Nico and Jade turned around to see Eminem in an interview with host of MTV News, Sway.

"I remember the first time I worked with Jerome, back in '04. That man was a musical genius. He knew just where to put every snare, every kick, every high hat. That man was a musical genius, him and Dr. Dre would just be in the booth for hours man, just killing it. I felt like I was really close with him, I remember he would tell me how his son was a huge fan, I sent him an autographed copy of the MMLP a few years back. It all seems like it happened yesterday, the music world just lost a genius and heaven just gained an angel." Eminem said, solemly.

"Thank you Eminem, for those of you just tuning in, I am sad to inform you that famous producer Jerome Harris has died at age 53 in his home in Stockholm about an hour ago. The current cause of death is unknown, we send our prayers and deepest condolences to the Harris family at this time. In honor of Jerome's amazing career, we will continue to interview several music artist that worked with Jerome and update you on details as we get them, we now take you to a presentation of music videos Jerome helped produce the music to or was in. This is Sway for MTV News."

Andre, Jade and Nico stood silent as Eminem's song 'When I'm Gone' played.

"Hello? Andre? I'm coming down there Andre. Hello?" Tori asked via the phone.

"Okay." Andre said, he hung up.

"Guys, I am so sorry for your loss." Jade said. Andre went over to the kitchen to get something to eat, Nico stood frozen, staring at the screen.

"It's okay Jade." Andre said emotionlessly, he took a bite of his sandwich and took out his phone, he went on Twitter and saw that Jay-Z had just tweeted something about Jerome's death, soon Andre had texts from Beck, Robbie, Cat, and Trina, all asking about Jerome. He heard a car pull up outside, he went outside to see his grandmother and her personal driver that Jerome had hired. Andre let her in.

"Hey grandma." Andre said hugging her. She said nothing, she sat on the couch.

"I think we should bury him in the gold tux. The one that matches the dress that mom is in. " Andre said.

"We aren't burying him." She replied.

"Huh?"

"He left in his will that he wanted to be cremated. In Stockholm. He also doesn't want a funeral."

Nico hadn't moved from his position.

"What was dad like when he was a kid?" Andre asked.

"He loved music, he played his keyboard all day."

Later on, Andre went into his room, reading what people were saying about Jerome on Twitter, he scrolled down.

_R.I.P. Jerome Harris_

_..._

_I heard he faked his death and that this is a publicity stunt for Eminem's new album_

_..._

_I don't even like rap but it's sad for anyone to die this soon, R.I.P. Jerome Harris_

_..._

_All ya'll people talking bout "RIP JEROME HARRIS" an half of u aint even know who he was until today. smh_

_..._

_Who the fuck is Jerome Harris?_

_..._

_#ReplaceAMovieTitleWithSwag is trending over Jerome Harris, LMAO_

Tori walked into his room, she grabbed a shoe and slammed it against the wall.

"What was that?" Andre asked.

"It was this brown spider, I killed it."

"YOU WHAT!?" Andre screamed, jumping up, grabbing the shoe. He saw the spider, crushed on the shoe.

"I killed it."

"WHAT ABOUT HIS PARENTS? HIS FRIENDS? HIS FAMILY!? THEY'LL BE WORRIED ABOUT HIM!"

"What? It's a spider! And it was poisonous, it could've killed you!"

"...but it didn't..." Andre said, crying. He hadn't shed a single tear over his father's death, but he was sitting there, crying over a spider. Tori hugged him on the bed.

A few hours later, Trina had come upstairs to see Andre asleep in his bed and Tori sitting up, watching over him.

"Hey Tori." Trina said awkwardly.

"Andre and I..."

"I know, he told me."

"He told you?"

"Yeah, he felt guilty, he told me. You can have him."

"What?"

"Me and Andre never really emotionally connected, it was all physical. You guys have so much more in common. You can have him." Trina said, smiling and leaving. Tori just looked over Andre some more.

_****__**PLAY "FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre, Nico, Tori, Andre's grandmother, and Jerome's lawyer sat in the living room. He was reading Jerome's will.

"Jerome left all of his current money to his mother. All of the remaining profits that he continues to make posthumously will be split between Andre and Nico. Jerome writes, 'against my better judgement, I leave my Silver 911 and my Aston Martin to Nico.'"

Nico smiled.

"I leave my Tahoe and my 4th car to Andre." The lawyer read.

"What kind of car is it?" Tori asked.

"It doesn't say." The lawyer said, Tori looked at Andre who shrugged his shoulders.

"I leave control of my record company to my assistant Lawrence. I leave the mansion and all of its furniture to Andre."

Andre looked around the mansion, then at Nico.

"Nico, get out of my house." Andre said, emotionlessly. Tori elbowed Andre in the ribs and his grandmother glared at him.

"Sorry." Andre said.

"It's okay Mr. Harris, humor is a great way to get over tragedies like this. Helps you keep a positive outlook. Okay, Jerome writes, I wish to be cremated and separated into 5 urns. 3 of which will be for Andre, Nico, and my mother to keep. One of which I want Nico to dump across the grand canyon out of a plane. The last of which, I want Andre to dump off of a high mountain in Stockholm, Sweden."

"Why me?" Andre asked.

"It doesn't say."

"Why do I get the car he wouldn't let anyone touch?"

"It doesn't say."

"Why do I get the mansion."

The lawyer looks at the will.

"Because he trusts you more than Nico."

The lawyer gets up and bids them a good day, they all sit in silence.

"I need to get a ticket to Stockholm." Andre said, he got up to grab a pop tart then realized they were gone...like the spider...like his father...

"You want me to go with?" Tori asked.

"No, I need to go alone."

The next day, Andre was on a long flight to Stockholm. He knew one person there, this cute blonde girl he had met through Twitter. She said she would meet him at the airport and show him around. He looked out of the window as he reached in his carry on bag and got out a box of frosted strawberry pop tarts that Trina had gotten him. He opened up Twitter on his phone, the first tweet he saw read _'So Jerome Harris died because he had a seizure and choked on his own spit because no one was there to roll him on his side? Smh, when I get old I'm living with my kids' _Andre went to his father's Wikipedia page, cause of death, choking on his own saliva during a seizure, Andre had a flashback to when he turned 21. Nico was 18 and Jerome had just moved to Stockholm. He only flew in for Thanksgiving and Christmas since then. Andre had another flashback, He was 10 and Nico was 7. Andre was inside with his father, his mother was talking to the neighbor outside while Nico was playing in the street, he had temporarily lost his hearing at a parade the day before, he didn't see a car coming, his mother jumped in front of the car and pushed Nico out of the way. The car hit her and killed her. The driver never stopped driving. He, or she just drove off as if nothing happened. Andre had a flashback to the parade.

_Nico: Andre, I lost my earplugs mom gave me for the fire trucks. I need yours!_

_Andre: No way! I'm not going deaf._

_Nico tried to grab them, Andre started running from him as Nico chased him. A siren went off._

_Nico: AAAAAAAAAH!_

_Andre didn't look back, he kept running_

"If I just gave him the ear plugs, Mom would be alive." Andre said aloud, the woman next to him on the plane turned around, confused.

"And if Mom was alive...she would've been with Dad when he had his seizure...and Dad would be alive..." Andre started to cry, the woman sat awkwardly, staring at Andre.

"And Tori wouldn't have come over and the spider would be alive."

Andre fell asleep, he woke up in the airport in Stockholm.

_****__**PLAY "ZEALOTS OF STOCKHOLM (FREE INFORMATION)" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

Andre saw his friend.

"Andre?" She asked in a thick Swedish accent.

"Casey!" Andre said hugging her, they talked for a while. She took him to a Swedish restaurant.

"Were you and your father close?"

"He lived here, I live in L.A. We lived in the same hemisphere so I guess you could say we were close." Andre said, bitterly, sarcastically.

_You called me. I know who you're looking for, he's not here. What month is it? Then he's probably somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere._

**_STOP READING UNTIL YOU HEAR AN EXTREME CHANGE IN THE MUSIC. THE BASS WILL DROP AND YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO KEEP READING_**

Just then, some angry Swedish guy came up.

"WHAT THE HELL CASEY!?" He screamed.

"We're just friends!"

"BULLSHIT! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST MAKE A MOVE ON MY GIRL!?" He screamed at Andre.

"No."

"I LEAVE FOR 2 DAYS AND I COME BACK AND YOU'RE TRYING TO FUCK MY GIRL!?"

"If I wanted to fuck your girl, I would've done it by now."

"YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"

"I don't even know who you are."

"WHAT!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!?"

Casey put her face in her hand.

"No." Andre responded.

"WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY!?"

There was a moment of silence, Andre raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"WHAT. DOES THE MOTHERFUCKING FOX SAY!? THAT'S ME! I'M THE FUCKING DUDE DRESSED LIKE A FOX IN THE VIDEO!"

"Video? I haven't seen it."

"IT GOT HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF VIEWS!"

"Not more than Gangnam Style."

"FUCK THIS, I'M OUT OF HERE." the fox guy stormed off. Casey looked up, embarrassed.

"Sorry about my boyfriend, he's..."

"A fox?" Andre asked, interrupting.

"An asshole. Anyway, you wanna go to the mountain now?"

"Yeah."

In about 20 minutes they are on top of a mountain. It's snowing. It's 9 degrees fahrenheit. Sweden doesn't use fahrenheit, so I should say it's 12.778 degrees Celsius below zero. Andre is holding the urn.

"I can't do it."

"You have to do it, it's in your father's will. It's his dying wish."

"Hold this." Andre says handing her the urn, he gets out his phone and calls Nico.

"Hello?"

"Nico, did you dump yours?"

"YES! IT WAS CRAZY, THE PLANE WAS ALL LIKE BUDUDUDUDUH AND I THREW THE ASHES OUT AND IT LOOKED LIKE BLACK AND GREY SNOW AND IT GOT ON THE PROPELLOR AND CAME DOWN LIKE A TORNADO! THAT SHIT WAS AWESOME!"

Andre just looked at the phone and shook his head. 'Nico is a fucking idiot' Andre thought.

"Bye." Andre said hanging up the phone.

"I can't do it Casey, it just doesn't feel right."

"Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine your father telling you to dump them." Casey said, handing him the urn. He closed his eyes.

_****__**PLAY "URN" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

_"Andre, Andre." Jerome said._

"Yes?"

_"Dump them. Dump the ashes."_

"Why?"

_"Why does it matter? Just dump them Andre, dump them."_

"I need a reason."

_"Some things don't have a reason...me leaving you the car...the mansion...Roscoe's Wetsuit..."_

"Roscoe's Wetsuit?"

_"Dump the ashes Andre, dump the ashes."_

"O...Okay." Andre said opening his eyes, Casey had just watched him talk to himself. He opened the urn.

"Hashtag Roscoe's Wetsuit." Andre said as he dumped the ashes off the mountain. They looked beautiful. Andre knew he hadn't really just talked to his father...or had he? He still didn't know what Roscoe's Wetsuit was...or did he? Maybe he didn't know what it meant, but he understood it. He understood that he didn't understand.

"What does that mean?" Casey asked.

"I don't know, I just saw it on the internet."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because the internet."

5 months later, Andre got into the car no one had ever seen before. In the glovebox there was a note.

_If this is Nico reading this, Andre is going to kill you if he finds out you were in here, so have fun driving it while you can. If this is Andre reading this. Either I've passed away, or you finally grew some balls. If you are reading this and I am alive, don't fuck up my car. If you are reading this because I'm deceased, then I thank you for not driving the car, even though I never told you why you and Nico couldn't. You've made me proud by honoring my word, even though I would have no idea if you broke it. Character is how you act when no one is watching. I love both of you...Oh, and if either of you is reading this while I'm alive, before I die, please marry a girl that can make Frito pie on Thanksgiving._

_- Love, Jerome_

"He fucking trolled me!" Andre exclaimed, smiling, he got in and took a joy ride. When he came back he saw Nico with a huge backpack in the living room.

"Remember how 3 months ago we found out we inherited Dad's debt?" Nico asked.

"Yeah."

"I got a solution."

"What."

Nico reaches out of the backpack and pulls out about 50 ziplock gallon bags full of cocaine.

"What...the actual fuck...are you doing with that?"

"Not me, WE. We're selling it." Nico said with a smile.

"We're selling cocaine?"

"No, we're cooking it. We're selling crack. You, me and G-Funk."

"First off, where did you get that and second off, take it back."

"First off I can't take it back because the guy G-Funk stole it from is dead and buried in G-Funk's backyard. And secondly, Google how to make crack."

Andre stood silent.

"...you're trolling me...you don't even know anybody that does crack."

"That redhead girl is on crack."

"Cat is not on crack. Ecstasy maybe, but not crack."

"Trina likes to party." Nico said.

"She does Ecstasy and Magic Mushrooms, not crack."

"We need to get some of that too then. Let me call G-Funk, what does Tori do?"

"Tori doesn't do drugs, and we're not selling drugs."

"It's either sell drugs or lose the mansion and share the pull out bed and Grandma's house."

"...You get the left side, I'll take the right side." Andre said.

"No." Nico said, calling G-Funk.

"Hey G, remember how we had all that extra shit left over...bring it here...alright man...alright bye..."

A couple of weeks later, Tori was lying on the couch with Andre. Nico and G-Funk sat on the other couch.

"Why do you have so much sugar lying around?" Tori asked.

G-Funk and Nico burst into laughter, Andre made them leave the room.

"Sweetheart, it's cocaine." Andre said.

Tori burst into laughter.

"Yeah right, you couldn't sell drugs."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't know what you were doing."

Andre pulled out of his pocket a bag of weed, a bag of mushrooms, 12 acid tabs, and $23,000. Tori stared at it.

"This is what's left from today."

"Andre, you're going to get caught. You don't know what you're doing. You need to stop this right now."

"Then we lose the mansion."

"You can live with me."

"In that tiny house?" Andre asked.

"It's only tiny to you because you've lived HERE your whole life."

"Look Tori, you just don't understand. Nico and G-Funk have it all figured out."

"Nico and G-Funk couldn't figure out a multiplication problem."

"Tori, just trust me."

"...Okay Andre, I trust you."

_****__**PLAY "PINK TOES" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT. DO NOT CONTINUE READING. VISUALIZE ANDRE SINGING/RAPPING THE MALE PART AND TORI SINGING THE FEMALE PART AS A MONTAGE OF ANDRE SELLING DRUGS WITH NICO AND G-FUNK AND CUTE MOMENTS BETWEEN ANDRE AND TORI PLAYS. WHEN THE SONG IS OVER, CONTINUE READING**_

Seven months later, G-Funk, Andre and Nico are in the car no ones ever seen before. The whole day has seemed eerie to Andre. The car stops outside of a club. Not Aftermath. This club is worse than Aftermath. The guys get out and enter the club.

_****__**PLAY "EARTH: THE OLDEST COMPUTER (THE LAST NIGHT)" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

The guys walk in and see and old cuban man in a suit sitting at a table with two younger cuban men in suits. They have a briefcase.

"You got that stuff?" The man asks.

"You got the money?" G-Funk asks. G-Funk has been selling his whole life. Andre and Nico were spoiled rich kids who knew nothing about this type of life so they usually let G-Funk do all the talking and make all the decisions.

"You aren't trying to fuck me over are you? Because if you are, we have a problem." The man says. G-Funk looks him in the eye.

"YOU better not be trying to fuck US over."

One of the cuban men stood up.

"Show me the stuff."

G-Funk opened a backpack full of an assortment of drugs.

"Show me the money." G-Funk said.

The man opened a briefcase with enough money to pay off Jerome's debt, and get Andre that wedding ring he had been eyeing for Tori.

"You know, I could take the money, the drugs, have all 3 of you killed and no one would find out...so that's what I'll do, HANDS IN THE AIR!" The old man said as the Cuban men pulled out guns.

"Fuck." G-Funk said, not being able to reach for his gun fast enough.

"Chico, get the drugs." He said, one of the men grabbed the drugs. The old man inspected them. Andre thought he was going to die. His eyes were closed shut. He had a feeling all day and now he knew for sure, this was his last night. Ever. He took one more look at Nico, then squeezed his eyes shut.

"Enrique, give them the money." The man said. Andre opened his eyes shocked.

"Why were your eyes closed kid?" The old man asked.

"I thought you were gonna kill us. I've been nervous about this deal all day." Andre said, relieved. The old man smiled and chuckled. His smile turned into an angry glare.

"Rule number 1 of life. Your last day, NEVER feels like your last day. Get out of here."

G-Funk, Andre, and Nico left with the money.

"The old motherfucker trolled us. It's over. It's all finally over. The debt, everything. We got away with it." Andre said in the car.

"Nigga, ain't nothing over." G-Funk said, driving.

"What?"

"We have to get rid of the drugs we have left." Nico said.

"Then you can go back to your little fantasy life with your mansion and your wife and 3 kids and blah blah blah." G-Funk said. Andre smiled.

"We're lucky, most drug dealers get robbed and killed." Nico exclaimed, G-Funk turned around.

"Who says we won't?"

_****__**PLAY "LIFE: THE BIGGEST TROLL (ANDREW AUERNHEIMER)" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO AT THIS POINT AND CONTINUE READING**_

2 months later, Andre sat on the couch. He kept replaying last night over and over again in his head.

_"Yes! A Billion Times Yes Andre, I Do!" Tori screamed, looking down at Andre and the ring._

He was alone at the moment, but that memory made him happy, no more debt, no more love triangles, no more chaos, he was finally stable, he was finally happ...

"GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!"

3 guys with guns ran into Andre's mansion. Andre got down.

_"We're lucky, most drug dealers get robbed and killed." Nico exclaimed, G-Funk turned around._

_"Who says we won't?"_

"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE!" Guy 1 yelled, Andre did. He looked through it for a bit.

"GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!" Guy 1 yelled, Andre did. Guy 2 held a gun pointed at him and Guy 3 looked through the wallet with Guy 1. Guy 3 went upstairs and Guy 1 went towards the garage.

"Can you drown me please?" Andre asked calmly.

"Huh?" Guy 2 asked.

"Since you're going to kill me, I want to choose how I want to die. The infinity pool has been my favorite part of the house since I was a kid, drown me in it please."

Guy 2 stood up.

"There's money under the buddha statue if that's what your friends are looking for." Andre said, emotionlessly.

"We're not robbing you. We've been watching you and your brothers for a while now. You guys are sloppy dealers." Guy 2 said, pulling a badge out of his pocket.

"You're undercover cops?"

"Yes."

"Am I going to jail?"

"Yep."

Andre sat still. He had been trolled again. First by his father, then by the cuban man, now by the LAPD. At least he wasn't dying.

"You know. This old man once told me. Your last day never feels la..."

He heard the sound of the 911 diving into the garage, screeching and turning around. He heard gunshots. He heard a crash. Nico came running up into the living room, Guy 2 starts shooting at him. Guy 1 comes up and starts shooting wildly, he hits Guy 2 and kills him. He hits Nico in the shoulder, Nico falls to the ground. He hits Andre in the...

**where was he shot? does andre survive? what happens to him? how long are they going to jail? what about tori? where's g-funk? why do you care? why are you reading this?**

**because the internet**

**your last day never feels like your last day**

**#roscoeswetsuit**

**THE END (listen to the rest of the song, then read/listen to the next chapter, YEEZUS: Epilogue)**


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